Non Canon Review: Friday The 13th (1980)

JANUARY 25, 2009

GENRE: SLASHER
SOURCE: BLU-RAY (OWN COLLECTION)
LAST SEEN: 2004

I wonder what it was like for folks to see Friday the 13th during its initial theatrical run, or even a year or two later. Because for me, like many other fans I am sure, Friday the 13th means Jason. The first one I saw was Final Chapter, which had Jason, hockey mask, and the formula down pat. One of the universal memories for a lot of fans in my age group is finding out from a friend, or from an actual viewing, that Jason didn’t appear in the film at all except as a slimy mongoloid child in a lake. “His mom’s the killer? What the-!!"

As such, it’s probably the ONLY horror franchise in which saying that “part ___” is your favorite won’t get you roasted alive. It’s not very often you hear someone claim that Halloween 6 or Nightmare on Elm St 4 represents the best of the series, but with Friday the 13th, it’s equally uncommon to hear “the first one is the best”, at least in my experience. Obviously, the primary reason would be the lack of Jason, but in this most recent viewing, I was hard-pressed to find any other reason for putting it a notch or two below some “traditional” entries.

For starters, it’s the only one besides Jason Lives that has more of a focus on suspense than a body count. Only ten folks are killed in this one (a low for the series, though that’s hardly a surprise), and half of them are off-screen. But rather than have everyone die the second they split away from the others, as they do in the sequels, everyone gets a pretty lengthy stalk/atmosphere scene (and in Brenda and Bill’s case, that’s all they get, since their death is hidden from our eyes).

The characters also have far more personality than the later films (again, except for Jason Lives, which like this one, has a much smaller group to deal with). I love the scene where Officer Dorf comes along, because everyone (except Alice, who must be off dealing with whatever vague problem she has “out west”) gets a little moment to show their personality. They talk to themselves in the bathroom, doing impressions and such, make off the cuff remarks... they’re real people. There’s also a sense of camaraderie that a lot of the other entries lacked – even though these kids just met or barely knew each other, they seem more like a real group than say the kids in New Blood, who are supposed to be close friends and yet don’t gel together at all.

Plus, I liked the idea that the lake is actually part of the real world. We see diners, cops, truckers... it feels easier to identify with, like a place I would go to or actually have gone to in Maine or whatever. Again, some of the later sequels felt less natural because they were always so devoid of life beyond the people that were about to get killed.

And yet it still has that lovably cheap charm that is present for the entire series. The most laughable example is the “thunderstorm” that Kevin Bacon sees, which is clearly just a guy shining an orange light on his face from a few feet away. But you also get the scares that make no real world sense at all (was Crazy Ralph just waiting in the closet all day, hoping someone would need a can of soup?), people without peripheral vision, etc. And I think every single corpse blinks or takes a breath.

I wonder if the campers/counselors at
Tomahawk Lake run into as many problems.

One low-budget aspect that’s not as charming is the editing. It downright sucks at times: shots linger on forever (there’s at least two shots of Alice leaving a shot, and then we just look at a tree or whatever for another 10 seconds), and the film as a whole is about 10 minutes too long. There’s a fine line between developing character (having the kids play Strip Monopoly) and padding the runtime (watching all three of them take their turns back to back, with only a boot coming off). If they needed to be 95 minutes for whatever reason, maybe they should have shot an additional scene at the beginning with Mrs. Voorhees (or even someone mentioning that she EXISTED), which would make the reveal much less of a cheat. Though to Sean Cunningham and all 45 writers’ credit – they don’t really make much of an effort to make her look innocent, she pulls up in the jeep we know belongs to the killer, and more or less reveals her intentions about 12 seconds after meeting Alice), rather than waste time thinking she’s an ally only to slowly let her true side out.

Folks have demanded a proper special edition for years, and thanks to Platinum Dunes’ remake, we finally got one (I suspect that 90% of all horror remakes exist solely to make money off the original film again), and on Blu-Ray to boot. The video quality is quite good on the BR, particularly in the daytime scenes (look at the level of detail on the bricks and stones when Annie is walking through the town). It’s a very grainy film, and kudos to Paramount for not de-graining it for its high def release, which is a disastrous process that other films have suffered the indignity of on their ‘remastered’ Blu releases (Dark City, for example, now resembles something shot on DV). And the cut footage, which totals 10 seconds, is well integrated back into the film. The new 5.1 mix SOUNDS good, though the surrounds are mostly ignored. Considering all of the POV shots, I was hoping for a lot of tree branch crackling type noises to be coming out of my rear channels, but I honestly forgot that I was listening to a 5.1 mix once the film began. Still, it’s clear and richer than the original mono track (which is included) for sure.

A wealth of extras are also included, though for the most part they cater only to new fans (presumably those who will come out of the new film and then discover that it was a remake), as it’s just a bunch of stuff die hards already know (Betsy Palmer thought the script was a piece of shit! Tom Savini’s friend played Mrs. Voorhees at the end of the movie! It was cold in the lake!). There’s some reunion footage and a basic retrospective, both run about 15 minutes, with everyone telling the stories you expect. Another new feature is a lame short film focusing on a pair of Jason-esque murders. Without any explanation for its inclusion, this is the worst kind of filler nonsense, and it should have been excised in order to up the bit budget of the film itself. The one sort of interesting (to a well versed nerd like me) piece is an interview with Cunningham, shot in his own home. Again, it’s not like you’ll learn a lot, but it’s a nice and honest self-examination of the guy who is attributed to ‘creating Jason’ (something he more or less takes no credit for). There’s a commentary by Cunningham and a bunch of others, though it seems to be edited together from interviews instead of a screen-specific track. Again – if you’ve already read the books or even a bunch of Fangorias on the subject, you won’t really learn anything new. We also get the awesome original trailer.

Blu-Ray owners get two more extra features, another sort of generic retrospective about the film, and a look at Savini’s creations. Ironically enough, even they are exclusive to the Blu-Ray, they are presented in standard def and are also incredibly dark (which is great when Savini is talking about his legendary work, because you can’t fucking see any of it). They also seem to be re-edited from a full length (or at least, wider-ranging) doc about the series as a whole, as people from all of the films are thanked during the end credits despite the fact that only part 1 is represented either with cast, crew, or clips. In short – if you’re not a Blu-ray owner, I wouldn’t consider this to be the disc you lose your 1080p virginity on, but if you have BL already, by all means enjoy the crisper picture and less shelf-hogging package.

A landmark film that is known as much today for what it DOESN’T have compared to what it does, Friday the 13th is a must see for any horror fan. It holds up fairly well, and is nowhere near as half-assed or reprehensible as some critics would have you believe. And the great thing about it is that it proves a point that I have been trying to make since Horror Movie A Day began: I don’t care if a film exists solely to make some money (Cunningham and the others freely admit that it was made “to keep the lights on”), as long as the people involved put some effort into making something that will actually entertain, rather than use their “independence” as an excuse for its faults. That’s something the Michael Feifers of the world clearly don’t understand and possibly never will.

What say you?

Non Canon Review: Friday The 13th (1980)

By: Abdallh Gamal on: 7:31 PM

Non Canon Review: Jason X (2001)

JANUARY 23, 2009

GENRE: SLASHER
SOURCE: DVD (OWN COLLECTION)

It seems hard to believe (at least, to me) but I actually missed Jason X during its brief theatrical run in the spring of 2002. There were two reasons: One – I was broke, and two – I was working on my student film (which was why I was broke). And folks told me it kind of sucked, so even though I felt kind of sad about missing this nearly mythical film in theaters, I opted to wait until DVD. Sometimes I wonder if my opinion of the film would be different had I gone with a few friends on opening night, as I did for JGTH and Freddy Vs, both of which I liked in theaters only to get bored to tears when watching them at home.

The problem with this movie is that it’s just so damn lackluster. It was the longest wait ever for a Jason movie (and probably always will be – nine years?!?!), an entirely new setting, new technology to use... and Jason strangles or “breaks” like half of his victims (with another half dozen off screen). By my count, there are really only 3 exciting kills in the entire movie (cyro-face, sucked through the airtube, and guy being cut in half at the waist). The crew is really proud of the fact that this is the least MPAA-mangled film in the entire series, but watching it I had to wonder – what the fuck would the MPAA have a problem with? An explosion? Christ, Prom Night had more splatter. Even the air tube one is limited to a shot of some latex smeared on a metal grate.

And by now I don’t expect any real continuity, but Jason’s appearance is just unforgivable. We can see Kane Hodder’s very human face through the eyeholes, and his outfit doesn’t look right either. The mask is also pretty terrible; even the fake one in part 5 looked better. And while he may have lost his teleportation ability, he has seemingly gained incredible intelligence – he never once seems confused as to why there are virtual reality worlds around him, and he knows exactly how to handle cryogenics the moment he wakes up in the future.

There are also a great number of missed opportunities. The science guys at the beginning claim that they want to study Jason for his unique regenerative abilities, and then the future has this nano-technology that can regenerate damaged tissue almost instantly (one of Todd Farmer’s best ideas is to have this technology get used early on in a funny scene where the frozen Jason manages to cut a guy’s arm off – it foreshadows Jason’s using it later AND it’s pretty funny). Why not work in a line or scene where the future people discover that it was Jason himself that allowed this technology to get created in the first place? That would be awesome!

Also, they apparently didn’t learn from VIII that putting Jason on a ship is a bad idea, but why never give him a chance to do his thing before he is discovered? He wakes up at the 30 minute mark, and everyone is in “Jason is alive!” panic mode at 36 minutes. They go out of their way to introduce a bunch of teenagers for Jason to kill, but they never get to really do anything teenager-y before they are all running for their lives and such. And on that note – I assume we’re supposed to believe that Jason is re-awakened because he senses all of the sex going on, but Jim Isaac is too pedestrian a director to make this idea even clear, let alone as perversely hilarious as it should be. For a movie that’s supposed to be funny, a lot of the humor is totally botched.

I know I knock on Harry Manfredini a lot for recycling his scores, but this movie proves why he should do just that. He did an all new score for this one, and it’s fucking TERRIBLE. It sounds like DVD menu music, or something taken from a 99 cent “Sounds of Halloween” CD from the supermarket. And why he doesn’t reprise the main theme (at least not really, a brief clip of it is used during the “Virtual Crystal Lake” sequence) is beyond me.

But it does have its strong points as well. One is actress Melyssa Ade, for my money the cutest woman in the series since Amy Steel. Another is the body count - what the movie lacks in quality it makes up for in quantity; Jason kills like 25 individual people in this one, plus causes the death of hundreds more when he kills the ship’s pilot, which results in the ship plowing into a space city and blowing it up. Also, the character of Brodski is the badass opponent we’ve always wanted in one of these movies. Creighton Duke was cool, but Jason killed him like 2 seconds after they first squared off. Brodski survives like 3 certain death situations, plus is the one to actually kill him off at the end (as opposed to the Final Girl). I just wish Tony Todd had played him – the actor is fine, but he’s rather unknown, and it would have been cool to have a known badass play him. And it’s rather minor, but I love the guy who plans to buy Jason from the professor. He’s only in one scene, but there’s something slightly off about the guy that made me wish he was in the movie more.

The DVD has respectable extras, about the same as offered on the Hell disc. We get a commentary with Isaac, Farmer, and producer Noel Cunningham, in which Farmer seems to be the only one who was legitimately excited about making a Jason movie (he also alludes that the script was rewritten without him). There’s also a making of that is mostly about the special effects, and another sort of generic retrospective about the series as a whole (Paramount apparently refused to give them any clips though, so we get lame recreations). New Line also provided a handy “Jump to a death” feature, which is exactly what you think it is.

Oh well, for all its shortcomings, at the end of the day it’s at least fun. Once Jason wakes up there’s a kill every 3-4 minutes, and the cast seems more into it than the last few movies. And like 5, it’s one that benefits from a larger crowd (the most fun I ever had watching it was with 3 or 4 friends and some beer on a hot summer night). It just could have been a lot better given the resources (this is the biggest budgeted film in the series, and it sure as hell didn’t all go toward the CGI, which is often terrible), and it’s a bummer that the space setting barely even factors into Jason’s exploits. I was hoping for one of the better Jason movies, but it’s really on the lower end of the 11 entries. I’ve given up trying to put them in an exact order – but I would say 6, 4, and 2 are my favorites, 1, 5, 3, and 8 are the middle rungs, and 7, 9, and Vs are the weakest. X is either the best of that last group, or the worst of the middle one.

What say you?

Non Canon Review: Jason X (2001)

By: Abdallh Gamal on: 4:36 PM

Non Canon Review: Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)

JANUARY 18, 2009

GENRE: SLASHER
SOURCE: DVD (OWN COLLECTION)
LAST SEEN: 2005

(DOWNLOAD BC'S COMMENTARY FOR THE FILM HERE!!!)

If there was ever any proof that nostalgia can cloud your judgment on a movie, then my defense of Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan* is it. It was the first one I had on tape, and thus have probably seen it more than any of the other films. Yet it’s usually considered among the weakest of the series, if not the absolute worst by some (even Kane Hodder is pretty dismissive of it, which is amusing to me as it’s the only one of his four films I don’t want to punch in the cinematic face). Clearly, my childhood experience with the film is powerful enough to overlook its apparent unforgivable flaws.

I think the biggest issue people had, besides the lack of blood (though much bloodier than the 7th film, it’s still pretty “splatter” free), is that 2/3 of the movie takes place on a boat, and not Manhattan cum Vancouver. But that didn’t bother me as a kid, and it doesn’t even really bother me now. I’d be much more pissed if Jason was at Crystal Lake for the entire first hour only to finally head off to the Big Apple. At least the scenario (courtesy of writer/director Rob Hedden) offered us something new, and in turn, lots of new kills.

One thing the film NEVER gets any credit for is its unique kills. There’s one machete and one axe death in the entire movie. Everything else is pretty unique; a guitar, harpoon gun, toxic waste, a needle, a barrel of sewage, a control panel, a wrench, and a straight up “Jason just punches the dude’s fucking head off” scene, not to mention Jason’s most epic move ever – starting a fire that sinks a boat filled with at least 30 other kids. Fuck yeah.

But also, it made the Manhattan stuff feel more like an event when it occurred. They made you EARN that shit. And it’s not like horror film titles are guaranteed to reflect the bulk of the movie. As I mentioned before, the Bride of Frankenstein doesn’t appear until the final 10 minutes of that movie; I don’t see too many people complaining. Nor does anyone complain (as much anyway) about the “lying” titles of the subsequent entries: Jason doesn’t go to Hell until the final scene (spoiler!) and Freddy doesn’t Vs. him until the 3rd act.

At this point I want to reveal that this movie seriously made me afraid of NY until I was about 18. 10 year old me had no idea that it was really Vancouver and they needed be pretty selective when it came to locations, so I really thought that the whole city was just thieving crackheads, sewers, burnt out warehouses, and wall to wall graffiti. I even really thought that the sewers got flooded out with toxic waste every night (which I think would certainly solve NY’s rat problem, no?). So whatever – it may not have had as much NY as folks would like, but it was enough to scare the shit out of me.

I also like how Jason gained something of a personality in this one. Several times in the movie he cocks his head a bit, as if to say “Try it, you dumb kid.” And even though it doesn’t make much sense that he ignores everyone in NY to keep after two kids, I love when he fucks with the street punks, first breaking their awesome dual tape boombox and then lifting his mask to scare them off.

And uh... AWESOME.

All that said, it IS admittedly weak in a few key areas. The kids are all dull as dirt (worst Final Girl ever for sure), and Jason’s mask is ridiculous – he gets it from a kid who presumably bought it at the store, yet it has the axe mark from 3 on it. Plus it’s way too “designed” for Kane’s head; it looks like a plaster mold more than a store-bought mask. And the plot holes are incredibly large, even for a horror movie. Plus – teleporting Jason. Jason’s travel time has always been a bit questionable when you really start thinking about it, but it’s just blatant here. Especially near the end when he kills Agent For H.A.R.M. – he approaches the guy outside, and then somehow manages to get upstairs before him in order to toss him out the window!

I cannot defend Rob Hedden's commentary though. Not only is it rather dull and filled with "yeah no shit" comments like "This is a real boat", but he also blatantly lies about certain things. There's a rather jarring closeup of a dartboard in the film, and Hedden says that he did that on purpose to mis-direct the audience. But that's bullshit - the darts were originally used to kill Julius' boxing partner, but the scene was MPAA cut and reshot with the guy in the sauna (which he also lies about). Come on man, fess up! And while he admits that there's too much set on the boat, he apparently doesn't feel the need to address the other criticisms of the movie, which is a bit odd considering that it was recorded 15 years later. I've seen commentaries recorded the day that the movie was finished that had more reflection and honesty.

But for my money, it’s a big improvement over New Blood, and it never really gets boring. And it’s the last true “Friday the 13th” movie (after this, New Line took over, leaving the title and most of the entertainment value behind), so it deserves a bit more respect than I think it gets.

What say you?

*Best review I read was simply this: “He also takes forever. D-.”

Non Canon Review: Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)

By: Abdallh Gamal on: 11:52 PM

Non Canon Review: Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)

JANUARY 8, 2009

GENRE: SLASHER
SOURCE: DVD (OWN COLLECTION)
LAST SEEN: 2005

I really don’t like Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood. I didn’t like it as a kid, I didn’t like it as an 18 year old (in college I re-watched the entire series, the last time I did so until the DVD boxed set came along), and I don’t like it now. I know it has some defenders, but I honestly don’t know why. If you are one of those confused folks, please, in detail and preferably in non “Fuck you!” grammar, explain why in the comments.

Nothing about the movie really works. There are a couple of good kills (sleeping bag), and the Jason makeup/actor (Kane Hodder’s first appearance) are among the best ever, but it’s simply a dull film from start to finish. The attempts at a Friday 4 style plot (with the two houses – mom and daughter in one, rowdy kids in the other) are admirable, but at the same time, simply call to attention how far the series had fallen in quality. It doesn’t help that absolutely NONE of the kids are interesting even in the slightest (with possibly the minor exception of Eddie the sci-fi geek); I’ve seen the movie probably 6 times now and I still can’t remember most of their names.

And even though the movie was rushed (filming began 6 months before its theatrical release), there is simply no excuse for the shoddy work here. Half of the kids are killed in the lake (or near it), and no one hears their screams despite the house being roughly 12 feet away (and since when are the cabins right on the lake?). Jason is resurrected, and yet walks about 4-5 miles away to kill 2 folks (how’d he even know they were there?) before returning to where he just was to kill the rest of them. Tina finds a collection of newspaper clippings about Jason – why would someone make a scrapbook? Lengthy flashbacks to 6’s finale are shown, yet the surrounding area (the dock, the cabins) doesn’t look anything alike. Director John Carl Buechler is one of the all time great makeup FX guys, and the various decapitated heads are among the worst I’ve seen in a horror movie post 1970 or so (for the record – Buechler wasn’t responsible for the effects). And so on. I can forgive minor plotholes and inconsistent setting errors (like in 4, when Rob is on this seemingly life-long vendetta to avenge his sister’s murder, which in the Friday timeline only occurred 2-3 days ago), but it doesn’t even seem like anyone involved was even trying.

The most problematic thing though, is the unfortunate introduction of telekinesis in order for the film to compete with the increasingly popular Nightmare on Elm St movies at the time. With Tina’s trauma and powers, she seems like she wandered in from Dream Warriors instead of a Friday the 13th film. Again, yeah, its part 7 and they need to do something different, but come on – this was the best they could come up with? And plus, it’s barely even utilized; Tina uses her powers to throw household objects at him (which pretty much every Final Girl has done with her own two hands) before setting him on fire (which is what Tommy did in the last one). Hell, at the end of the movie, Jason is back in the lake (courtesy of the only unique thing in the movie, when she ‘resurrects’ her dad to have him drag Jason back down), which means you can skip this one entirely and not even break continuity. Her powers are also inconsistent – since when does telekinesis come with bonus visions of the future? Plus – why does she see the death of a guy she never met (Bill Butler’s character) but not any of the other kids?

Some people will claim that the MPAA butchering of the film (which is pretty severe – the only blood you see in THE NEW BLOOD is at the very beginning, during the flashback montage to the previous films) ruined it, but I honestly don’t think it will help much. Yeah, the kills will be more fun, but everything in between those kills will still be dull as dirt. The kills may always be the highlight, but I was never bored when folks were just talking or running around (even the stalk scenes are pretty bland here) in the previous movies.

The DVD is probably the closest any of the films got to a special edition in Paramount’s boxed set, as it is one of the few to get a commentary track (and the ONLY one to get a new 5.1 sound mix). Buechler and Hodder are the participants, though Hodder mainly only talks about his kill scenes. They both discuss the MPAA cuts a lot, but they don’t address any of the film’s other faults, and even praise things that don’t make any sense, like the fact that no one knew about Jason this time (why the fuck not?). What little good info there is can be learned from either of the F13 books, so just read those and spare yourself from sitting thru this one again.

What say you?

Non Canon Review: Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)

By: Abdallh Gamal on: 8:13 PM

Non Canon Review: Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)

JANUARY 3, 2009

GENRE: SLASHER
SOURCE: CABLE (HDNET)
LAST SEEN: JULY 2007 (DVD)

4-5 years after releasing their pitiful bullshit of a boxed set, Paramount has finally realized that people actually care about the Friday the 13th movies, and are thus putting together special editions of the films. Parts 1-3 are due in the coming weeks, and 4-6 were just announced. I am sure 7-8 are coming along as well (being the ones most requested – they are the weakest of the Paramount lot, but also the most butchered by the MPAA). Even better, they are getting new transfers, which is why HDNET Movies aired almost the entire series over the weekend. So for what I think is the first time since I got my cable box, I watched one as it aired, which also happens to be my favorite: Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives.

Lives was also the first one I watched on upscaled DVD (which actually looks better than HDNet’s compressed version, but that’s neither here nor there), and if memory serves, the first one I bought on VHS back in the day. I think I’ve probably seen VIII the most (first one I had on tape, via HBO), but VI has always been my favorite, and unlike the others, my opinion of it never changes. 2, 3, and 5 have gone from being liked to being hated to being really liked, 1 gets worse every time I see it, but 6 (and 4) are simply the crème of the crop, IMO.

And what’s interesting about that is that those are the two with no gimmick, no “it’s the one with ____”. 1 is “not Jason”. 2 is “paper bag Jason.” 3 is 3D, 5 is fake Jason, 7 is Carrie, 8 is New York... but 6 is just a straight up Friday the 13th movie. Sure, it has some jokey stuff, but that gets phased out of the movie after a half hour, and back then it was pretty unique to have a character in a horror movie actually be aware of the existence of horror movies. It’s nowhere near as campy and banal as Jason X either, and some of the jokes are still pretty funny (the little girl reading Sartre’s “No Exit” is possibly the best sight gag of all time).

Even more impressive is that the film works despite the MPAA butchering. While not as bad as the next two films, a lot of the kills are pretty dry, and few are very inventive; Jason seems pretty content using his bare hands or a machete in this one. But it makes up for it with actual suspense, the only film since the original to really even attempt such a thing. I love the bit where Jason shadows the girl walking along the cabin, and putting actual kids in the summer camp for once brings some genuine fear, since unlike the counselors, it’s not a foregone conclusion that they will get killed.

Actually, this one has a pretty rare role reversal. The Final Girl is a bit wild, makes out with a guy, etc. Then there’s Sissy, who is nice, mousy, and not as hot as the Final Girl (standard rule is that the Final Girl isn’t as hot as her closest fodder friend). By traditional logic, she would be the FG, but she actually (seemingly) gets it worse than anyone else. Her death is offscreen (by design, I think), but the cabin is completely covered in blood afterwards, suggesting Jason literally tore her apart.

And I actually LIKE the people in this one! All of them! There are really only four teens, and they are all pretty decent people. The one dude is the only one with a libido, and none of them do drugs or even drink. But my favorite is Sheriff Garris (I think this was the first horror movie to have everyone named after horror icons), who is the best adult protagonist in the entire series. I love how he instantly hates Tommy and suspects him of murder (my wife thought the film was edited down because he seemingly gets angry before Tommy even opens his mouth), and how he gets to play hero near the end of the film. I only wish that he and Tommy could have shared a final look or something, providing a nice little “I should have listened to you!” moment. But he gets broken in half before that can occur.

Tommy also rebounds after his annoying appearance in part V. It’s a different actor, and the role actually includes dialogue and stuff like that. Being that he is the first male to ever survive Jason, I liked that they kept him around to break up the monotony of having a girl run around for 15 minutes at the end of every movie, though they should have killed him at the end, rather than survive and disappear along with all the other survivors*. Especially since he gets knocked out and then the Final Girl is the one to actually deliver the final blow to Jason (again: tradition).

But I think what really makes this one stick out is that Jason is presented as an iconic monster, not a guy in a mask. I obviously had no appreciation for it as a 7 year old (when I first saw it), but now I realize that the whole revive sequence is a takeoff on the old Universal monster movies (particularly Frankenstein), and there are other moments in the film that suggest that he is indeed one of the classic monsters. When Rob Zombie announced Halloween, he pointed out that Michael was like one of those monsters, and thus his film would not be any more of a “remake” than any version of Dracula is a “remake” of the Lugosi one, but I think Tom McLaughlin (the first time a F13 movie had a writer/director, another possible reason for its above average quality) did a much better job of selling that idea, 21 years prior, with Jason.

Of course, it’s not a perfect movie. They kill everyone off with too much time to spare, so the finale drags a bit, and Jason and Tommy’s showdown should have been more epic. Also, the part with the paintball group is overly jokey (A smiley face on the tree? Really?), and feels shoehorned in to add more kills to the movie. Oddly enough, that definitely wasn’t the case, as it was one of the first things shot (it’s not even CJ Graham playing Jason in those scenes, but rather the original guy that was cast, who was then fired for not being formidable enough). I would rather have had a more traditional scene where some of the kids are hanging out and they think they see Jason in the background (this movie has ZERO POV shots, by my count) even if it meant a lower body count, but oh well.

Two of my fellow horror nerds/journalists (Dread Central’s Uncle Creepy and Shock’s Ryan Rotten) were lucky enough to record a new commentary track for the upcoming double-dip, but I hope McLaughlin’s original commentary is carried over, as it was pretty interesting from what I recall (I didn’t re-listen for this viewing). Also it would be an excuse to finally get rid of that shitty boxed set once and for all, as it was one of the few things on it that is worth a damn.

What say you?

*Seeing my beloved Amy Steel in the new My Name Is Jason documentary (good stuff) got me thinking about how awesome it would be to have a movie in which all of the survivors meet up for whatever reason, only to be decimated by Jason. As I was telling this idea to Rotten, Steel herself brought up the very same idea! Except in hers they don’t all die. It’s something I will be more than willing to discuss with Ms. Steel over dinner.

Non Canon Review: Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)

By: Abdallh Gamal on: 4:41 PM

Non Canon Review: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)

DECEMBER 5, 2008

GENRE: SLASHER
SOURCE: DVD (OWN COLLECTION)
LAST SEEN: 2004ish?

With the remake on the way (and seriously – if you don’t think it looks awesome, you can sod right the fuck off!), I wanted to revisit all the old F13 movies, some of which I haven’t seen in years. Parts 3 and Final Chapter were already (non canon) reviewed thanks to revival screenings, and with 1 and 2 due to be re-released in special editions (1 will be uncut, and on Blu-ray!), I figured I would start with Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning and go in order up until Freddy vs Jason (ugh), then go back for the first 2 when they come out in a few weeks. Makes sense, no? No.

Anyway, V was one of the first ones I saw as a kid, so the whole “it’s not really Jason” thing didn’t really bug me all that much. I had only seen part 4, so as far as I could tell, maybe every movie had a different guy in the mask. I remember being more annoyed that Corey Feldman was only in the first scene, before being replaced by a mute guy who looked a lot older than 15. But otherwise, it offered boobs, lots of deaths (this one has the highest body count* of all the Friday the 13th** movies), a kid to “identify with”, more boobs, and what was one of my favorite kills in the series (and remained so for a while – the guy driving the motorcycle straight into Jason’s waiting machete). Being, what, 7? I didn’t really put more thought into my critiques of a movie.

Then when I watched them all again around 1998, I hated it. Other than VII (which I never liked and never WILL like), it was my least favorite. The reason was simple – it was a really lazy entry, often being exactly what ignorant critics would accuse the films of being. Nearly half of the body count stems from characters who were introduced literally moments before their death (the two punk kids, the waitress, Reggie’s brother and his girlfriend, etc), not to mention the inanely introduced drifter guy, who I guess we are supposed to think is a suspect but gets killed in his second scene.

On that note, I don’t even know why there would be a need for red herrings: A. we are never given any indication that it’s anyone BUT the real Jason doing the killings, and B. even if you knew the real Jason was dead and buried, why would you suspect anyone BUT Roy the ambulance driver, who is so obviously the killer it’s almost amazing that the guy went out of his way to put on a bald-head appliance to sell his Jason “look” (but yet donned a mask with some ridiculous blue stripes – worst mask in the series!***). Also – if they wanted it to be a mystery, why is the most likely suspect – Vic the psycho wood cutter – never spoken of again in the movie? And why doesn’t Roy kill him, the only one he should actually have a beef with???

And it didn’t help that the film was sandwiched between 2 of the series’ best entries (almost any fan would have Final Chapter and/or Jason Lives in the upper part of the requisite “best to worst” list****). Then again, like (fellow Paramount franchise) Star Trek, it seems that the even numbered films are always better than the odd numbered ones (and yes, I consider Takes Manhattan to be better than New Blood at least, but that’s another review), so I guess it shouldn’t be much of a surprise. I appreciated that they were trying to move beyond the summer camp setting by having it in a mental institute (Pinehurst, in an early incarnation before Father Petrelli took over), but after about 20 minutes that whole concept seems forgotten, since the doctor is gone and the “hospital” is still just another cabin in the woods.

So now, in 2008, how do I feel? I like it a lot more than I did last time, and I have the New Bev to thank. With Brian and Eric’ Grindhouse nights, and Phil’s increasingly prolific Saturday Midnight screenings, I have a much deeper appreciation for the attitude that this film has. In fact, I would rather watch this one at the Bev than even 2 or 6, which are superior films but wouldn’t be as fun to see with my 300 fellow Bev-pals. It almost feels like an exploitation film at times (not much of a surprise; director Danny Steinmann’s previous film was Savage Streets), something I enjoy much more now than I did 10 years ago. There’s a LOT of dialogue, character actions, and even entire scenes that seem lifted out of the type of schlock-y crap I laugh at on a bi-weekly basis down at the Bev: the horny hospital worker who sings an ode to cocaine, the waitress who shows herself her own tits for no reason, the drifter guy (who is under the employ of a pair of rednecks straight out of Mother’s Day)... they all seem teleported in from a Cameron Mitchell movie. Even Tommy, our alleged hero, is a mute jerk who isn’t satisfied with just punching a guy who pulls a prank on him. No, he picks the guy up and flips him over before pummeling him into oblivion, a move I suspect he learned at the Burbank Karate Club.

And the dialogue! Oh my. My favorite line in a movie, ever, has to be the head counselor’s solemn eulogy concerning Joey, who was viciously axed to death by a fellow patient a few hours before: “Look, I know how you all feel. This thing is not easy, for any of us. So let’s just have breakfast.” Then there’s the odd line at the end about Roy “keeping it a secret for all these years.” (which is about the closest we get to character development for the guy). And who can forget Miguel A. Nunez Jr’s lament over his excessive enchilada consumption?

Nice of Vic to put Joey’s arm over his body.

That said, it’s still far from perfect. I don’t like any of the kids (the only time in the series where that was the case, there is usually at least one who I don’t want to see offed, but not here), and Tommy is just fucking annoying. Plus, the low budget seems to be a handicap for once; this movie has the most goofs and cheap-o film shortcuts of the entire series. Like at the end, when Reggie is driving the tractor: he has a hood on, but when they go to a longshot, the hood is covering his entire face in order to hide the real actor that was driving. And while some of the deaths are cool, none have any of the great prosthetic and appliance work of the previous films.

But the biggest half-assery is saved for the end, during the traditional hospital scene (which includes a super hot nurse – who is she?!?!?). The cop shows up with some newspaper clippings that Roy was carrying around with him, concerning Jason. Thanks to upscaled images and a much bigger TV than I had before, I noticed that the articles had absolutely nothing to do with Jason at all beyond the headline (it’s just vague jibberish). They obviously had to make the prop, but they couldn’t take 10 seconds to write “Mass murderer Jason Voorhees got half his goddamn head hacked off by a 10 year old boy who then went crazy; his mother is still missing” or something?

And who the fuck took that photo?

But in a way, that’s also part of the charm, and more of a reason to see it in a theater so it can be laughed and cheered at by a crowd of drunks such as myself. I don’t think more than 2-3 minutes ever goes by in the film without something else that would make me howl. And even if not, the body count is so high that you’re never more than 5 minutes away from another random death.

Like most of the movies on Paramount’s half-assed insult of a box set, there are no extras whatsoever for the film. While not as drastic as VII or VIII, the MPAA was obviously pretty harsh on this one at times, but none of that is restored, nor is there any sort of commentary or retrospective. Luckily, we have two books on the franchise, though Peter Bracke’s "Crystal Lake Memories" is the only one you need. The other, while cheaper, is biased and poorly researched, and each subsequent sequel gets less and less coverage; the chapters on the last four films combined take up less book space than the entry for the first film. Still, it would have been nice to have some sort of visual element for each film. Hopefully, the remake will be a hit (as long as it’s as good as it looks), and the re-releases of the first three films will sell enough to warrant re-issues of the other Paramount entries (the New Line ones are all special editions already).

What say you?

*Not counting all the anonymous folks who must have drowned in VIII when the boat sank.
**That would be parts I through VIII. The “Jason ____” movies, from New Line, all had high body counts to try to hide the fact that they fucking suck.
***Trivia – Jason was mostly played by Tom Morga in this film. He also played Myers in Halloween 4 for a great deal of the time, and the mask in THAT film is considered the worst in the series as well. Poor Morga.
**** As of this writing: 6, 4, 2, 1, 3, 5, 8, 7, X, Hell, FVJ. Might change after I revisit them all over the next couple weeks. Also, 3 is only better than 5 when viewed in 3D.

Non Canon Review: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)

By: Abdallh Gamal on: 5:12 PM

Non Canon Review: Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)

MARCH 14, 2008

GENRE: SLASHER
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (REVIVAL SCREENING)

For some reason I started with part 4 for my two favorite horror franchises. Halloween 4 and Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter were my introductions to Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees, respectively, and both remain my 2nd favorite entries in the series (with Jason Lives being my favorite Friday). I saw it when I was like 6 or 7, and over the next couple weeks my mom rented V (New Beginning) and VI (Jason Lives), before announcing that she was sick of them. It would be a couple years before I saw the others (I think 3 was the last I got around to seeing, when I was like 14), thanks to friends and cable TV.

Final Chapter was also the first (and 2nd last) horror movie that ever scared me to the point where I had to turn it off. I was like 10 or so, up in Maine, where we “camp” in the summer (by “camp” I mean we have a fully functioning RV in a well lit and highly populated summer campground), and my parents had gone out to dinner or something, leaving me alone in the RV (NO they weren’t being negligent, our honorary relatives “camped” right next door and were home, plus I think my older sister was around), which had a TV/VCR. I put on the film, and by the time poor Teddy got stabbed through the projector screen, I was too freaked and had to shut the movie off until they got back (the fact that I slept outside of the RV, in a tent very much like the one the ill-fated Rob has in the film, didn’t help much).

(For the record, the other one was Halloween 5 – which I tried to watch when I was home alone at the age of 12, ON HALLOWEEN. I got up to the barn scene.)

Part of why 4 has endeared is that it was the last of the series to have any real ties to the others (other than the Tommy Jarvis character, introduced here via Corey Feldman). Parts 1-4 tell a sort of complete story of Jason’s origin, and the endings to all 3 sequels have thematic ties to the original. Also, 2-4 take place over the course of a few days; after this film, the timeline is pretty much the most convoluted in any franchise, including James Bond (if you go by this film’s claim that the first movie took place in 1979, and factor in the “it’s been 5 (or 10, or whatever) years” statements that occur in many of the sequels (which were all filmed no more than a year after the previous one), then part VIII would take place in the early 2000s). There is a minor plot hole with this set up (Rob has all of these clippings and research about Jason, due to the fact he killed his sister – but she would have only died about 2 days ago. Can’t he wait until she’s buried before hitting up the library and going on a revenge mission?), but otherwise it works OK enough. It’s nice to know that at one point they were at least trying (anyone who can figure out how Jason went from a tiny boy in New York to Hell, then to Space, and finally back to Springwood is certainly welcome to explain here).

This is also one of the few films in the series to feature actors you may have actually seen in something else. Other than Feldman, the big name here is Crispin Glover, who stars in the series’ most famous non-kill scene (his ridiculous dance). But Bruce Mahler from the Police Academy movies also shows up as Axl, the horny morgue attendant, and Lawrence Monoson appeared in the “not as bad as it could have been” Starship Troopers sequel (and according to the commentary, his casting was actually a demand from the studio). And the guy who plays Rob showed up in an episode of House. Plus, the no-names are better actors than average.

In addition to the casting, the film even has some actual production value. The morgue scenes are a nice change of pace from the “how many goddamn cabins ARE there on Crystal Lake” feeling you get from the other movies, and the opening scene has helicopters, ambulances, police cars... it’s great.

And Tommy plays Zaxxon. Badly.

Like all movies I re-watch at the New Beverly, there’s a lot of stuff I never realized how silly it was. Like the newspaper claiming “MASS MURDERER’S BODY MISSING” as a headline (and ignored by the reader), or the idea of a young kid taking a very odd stranger up to his room with little suspicion from his mother. I also lost count of how many times the one girl says “Paul?” as she goes for a skinny dip (and how does her inflatable raft remain inflated when Jason spears the goddamn thing?), because the entire theater began laughing every time she asked again. Look, if it’s him, he’ll answer! Also, possibly the dumbest “chase” moment in the entire series occurs here – Trish goes to one door, but there’s a body on the ground. Then she goes to another door, and again, a body. So what does she do? Smashes a window and climbs out. Is there some religion that prevents followers from stepping over or around a corpse?

This movie also began implementing Jason’s teleportation abilities. Most obvious is when he kills Jimmy, the twin, and then Teddy in rapid succession. Jimmy is killed in the kitchen, some 10 feet away from Teddy. Teddy doesn’t hear his screams or anything, but that’s sort of par for these movies. But then it gets weird. The twin is then killed by Jason on the 2nd floor (from outside no less), and then Jason somehow gets back downstairs and behind Teddy to turn off the projector, then behind him AGAIN (Teddy spins around) to stab him through the throat. What?

Still, it’s one of the best sequels, easily. Savini’s gore effects are amazing, the kills come along at a nice clip without becoming a parody (like in part 5), and you’ll even like a few of the characters. Also, the fact that it started to “open up” the series (with an adult for once, plus a kid) was a good thing, because it made the movie feel “bigger”. And damned if that one dude getting stabbed through the groin (after sort of cheating on his girlfriend) doesn’t make me wince. Well played, Joe Zito!

What say you?

Non Canon Review: Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)

By: Abdallh Gamal on: 11:59 PM