It starts out over a song and ends up where no one could have expected. A thirteen year-old Indian girl has her first real confrontation with authority when her father forbids her to play ...
A Toy Story Toy Story that was just released in 2014. If you are a fan of Toy Story trilogy, you will love this movie. The animation is beautiful and the voice cast are great as usual. There are some fun nice scenes in this movie and some great moments. The story is about Trixie. Enjoy. OCTOBER 24, 2011
GENRE: MOVIES!
SOURCE: SCREAMFEST
Well, another Screamfest has come to a close, and thus here I am with a recap of the movies that I saw but didn't write full reviews for. As with most festivals, most of these movies do not have distribution yet in the US, so there's not much point to writing mixed reviews (often with unavoidable spoilers) for movies that you guys won't get to see until said reviews are "buried" in the deep storied past of HMAD (indeed, some of LAST year's movies still haven't been picked up). So enjoy these mini-reviews, because that's all you're going to get!
SECTOR 7
And I start things off with a movie I already reviewed. Way to stay on point, BC. While my feelings on the movie haven't changed, I just want to point out that Screamfest/Mann's projected the movie at its correct 1.85:1 ratio, which not only made the viewing less distracting, but also improved the 3D presentation substantially. As a convert it will never be a top-tier 3D movie, but at least there was some depth to the images that was barely noticeable before. Once again, this proves why reviewing the 3D for a movie is somewhat pointless, as it will look different depending on whether or not the projectionist actually knows what he is doing.
THE TUNNEL
As with (fellow Aussie) Lake Mungo, The Tunnel is a "found footage" movie that actually resembles a real documentary, with news clips, talking head interviews, etc. And like Mungo, it's pretty good, but has some crippling blunders holding it back. For starters, the survivors keep butting in with their present day recollections, making this seem something like a horror movie version of the show I Shouldn't Be Alive. You'll be caught up in their plight as they make their way around the dark, labyrinthine tunnels of the subway system, and then one of them will remind you that he/she survived by offering "It was so dark, we had to use the camera to make our way through!" or whatever. And that's the other thing - they spend too much time explaining things like recording sound, which comes off as padding. But once they get into the tunnels and things go bad, it's a terrifically tense experience, and even with the present day narration there's still some question as to who lives and dies as a disclaimer at the top points out that some people refused to be interviewed. Also, I loved that they put the cast and crew names at the top of the film, very rare for this sort of movie. Almost like they're saying right off the bat "No, you idiots, this isn't a real thing," in response to the schmucks who think Paranormal or Blair Witch are real.
ROSEWOOD LANE
Filmmakers should NEVER compare their movie to a great one before it begins. I was only mildly interested in Rosewood Lane before I sat down to watch it, but then director Victor Salva got up there and told everyone (paraphrase) "This is my Halloween". So I'm expecting a movie that's short on plot but long on terrific suspense and characters I like, but instead I got the opposite: a talky (yet still underdeveloped), structurally clunky horror film that sort of fits the "Blank From Hell" genre as Rose McGowan is terrorized by the local paperboy. For a movie named after the street it takes place, they never bother to show anyone else on the street dealing with the kid, focusing entirely on McGowan and her plastic surgery battled appearance, which the filmmakers occasionally attempt to hide by putting a Barbara Walters-style soft-focus over her face. There's one good scare early on in her basement, but otherwise its not scary in the slightest, and the ridiculous plotting often recalled My Soul To Take, with characters saying/doing things that simply do not resemble human behavior at all. It looked great (the budget was well under a million) and featured fun turns by greats like Ray Wise and Lin Shaye, but the wonky script just never came together in a satisfying way (a major character's fate is left entirely unexplained, for starters).
JULIA-X 3D
This showed at Fantastic Fest but I skipped it knowing I'd see it at Screamfest anyway, and I didn't hear too many raves there. And I can see why - it's a fun concept with game performances by the three leads (plus a hilarious turn from Joel David Moore as some poor sap who gets mixed up in the others' "game"), but it just doesn't have enough meat on its bones to sustain its entire runtime. This could have been an amazing 20-25 min "short", but as a feature it just grows a bit tiresome to watch these folks beat the shit out of each other for an entire movie (it's basically the fight scene from Mr and Mrs. Smith stretched to 90 minutes). Also, I'm not sure if it was a convert or native 3D (seemed native), but either way they overdid the depth effects, making everything look way too far apart and stretched. A car's hood appears to be 20 feet long, characters in close proximity look like there's 10 feet of space between them, and even things like human heads seem to be elongated. Not sure if this was a projection error or just a low budget production trying to look more "awesome" so it could compete in the marketplace, but either way it added nothing to the experience. My advice - wait for DVD and keep the fast forward button handy.
CHILLERAMA
Amazing end credits and one particularly handsome zombie are really the only reason to see this one :) (Now on VOD! DVD on November 29th!)
MADISON COUNTY
If you, like me, felt that Motel Hell didn't offer enough Pighead Killer, Madison County should scratch that particular itch. Not much new in terms of story or pacing (Texas Chain Saw Massacre and its numerous copycats were clear influences), but it's a well made survival slasher, with some really great reveals (the film's killer has a tendency to subtly sneak into the backgrounds of shots) and a wonderfully gonzo final kill. And while I wasn't exactly crying at any of their deaths, the kids are fairly likable, and more importantly, the script admirably keeps them on equal footing - the order in which they die should surprise you. This was also the only screening of the festival that sold out (prompting an encore!), so grats to these young filmmakers!
VAMPERIFICA
With a tighter script this could have been a winner, but it's too damn loose - after an hour or so I still had no idea what the movie was ABOUT. Basically inverting the Buffy movie (a snobbish type discovers he is the chosen one meant to revive the vampire race, or something), the hero (co-writer Martin Yurkovic) is like a slightly more adjusted Stefon from SNL, which provides the bulk of the movie's fairly frequent laughs. But there's just no meat to it - Carmen isn't even turned for over a half hour, and then he just spends the rest of the movie using his powers to get back at people who annoyed him earlier that week, such as the bitchy waitress at the diner or a play director who refused to cast him. At the heart of the film is the friendship between Carmen and Tracey (Dreama Walker), and the 3rd act more or less revolves around whether he will follow his new vampire pals or stick by his best friend, which is fine - but don't start the movie off with stuff about ancient races and wars and such when this is all you care about exploring. Also, don't have a damn rape scene in the middle of a horror comedy that's so heavily skewed toward the comedic side of the equation!
ISOLATION
What could have been an interesting long-form short instead gets the feature length treatment, and thus becomes a repetitive exercise that allows the audience to figure out what's going on long before the heroine does. There's a few good performances here, and it's always good to see Gregg Henry (in an extended cameo), but the concept is too thin to sustain the length. Bonus points for turning what I thought was just a low budget handicap (involving a particular vocal recording) into a plot point, however.
SOME GUY WHO KILLS PEOPLE
This is a frequently hilarious black comedy about a slasher who seems to be taking revenge on the folks who tortured him back in high school. But it's also an indie drama/comedy about an introverted man who discovers he has an 11 year old daughter that wants to reconnect. The mix doesn't always work (the kills are fairly front loaded - wish they were spaced out more), but it's certainly one of the more unique horror comedies in recent years, and features a terrifically funny turn by Barry Bostwick as the laidback (but still clever) sheriff tasked with solving the murder case. In fact everyone in the movie is pretty great; Kevin Corrigan as the hero (killer?) is as great as always, and Ariel Gade as the daughter gives one of the best child performances I've seen in quite some time. Certainly not for everyone, but I was charmed by it.
And that's it! Rites of Spring and Cassadaga were made by friends of mine so I'm not discussing them at length (I enjoyed them both, particularly Cassadaga's blend of an Asian horror type ghost tale and a Giallo), I missed Kalevet (Rabies) due to another commitment, and I've seen both Livid and Innkeepers at other festivals. Everything else got a full review.
I also watched the shorts, but wasn't really wowed by many of them. The two best I saw were ones I had seen before (All Men Are Called Robert and Incubator), and there were a couple others I enjoyed (Hail Satan, Singularity, Roid Rage, Patient Zero), but nothing blew me away like last year's Legend Of Beaver Dam. I will say that I was happy to see much less of an emphasis on twist endings, however - most were just straight (short) narratives, and just about all of them looked just as professional as the features. One was even on 35mm! I also liked that they had good slots this year; not only did many of the features have shorts attached, but they put one block in the prime Friday 8pm position, as opposed to the early Saturday/Sunday slots they usually get (which makes them easier to skip, especially if you plan on watching all of the features that follow). Good call!
Overall, I think it was one of the most consistent lineups yet. Nothing was a full blown stinker (even Stormhouse had its moments, and was certainly entertaining to watch with friends), and the filmmakers were providing the festival with professional formats, which meant everything looked great (previous years have had a couple of movies on lo-res DVDs, which looked like shit). I also enjoyed the closing night awards ceremony, which saw one of my favorites (Crawl) showered with awards for best actress, director, and cinematography (was baffled by The Tunnel's win for best special effects though - you barely saw the creature!). And as always, it was good to see some folks I don't get to see much during the year, and make a few new friends in the process. I also had a lot of milk shakes, so that's always good (for my taste buds, not my health).
See you next year!
OCTOBER 2, 2011
GENRE: MOVIES!
SOURCE: SHRIEKFEST
And now I bring you my traditional festival wrapup for the movies I saw but either didn’t like or don’t have the time to review in full. Shriekfest is actually one of the shorter festivals, so this one isn’t as long as the others (I also missed a few movies due to the New Bev all nighter), but I will say that I didn’t outright dislike anything in the lineup that I saw, which is a first. I wish I saw the shorts, but alas, I needed to sleep at some point.
THE FEED
Probably my least favorite movie of the fest, though not entirely the filmmaker’s fault – I’ve just seen too many “paranormal team experiences a real haunting” movies in the past year or so (I’m also growing weary of found footage stuff). However, it is nice and short, and they clearly put a lot of thought into the back-story, which involves a haunted theater. Before the haunting stuff starts, we are shown an “episode” of a travel show about the history of the theater, including several scary stories that aren’t really connected to the ghost story that takes up the bulk of the movie. I also loved that they really sold the “basic cable TV show” aspect of the presentation, as they cut away to three commercial breaks during the movie, complete with (fake) cheesy ads for local pizza shops and 2nd rate lawyers. It’s a well-meaning flick, just a bit late to the party and not particularly scary enough to stick out.
MILLENNIUM BUG
As I mentioned in my Opus review, the only problem with this one was that they shot it too soon; they should have held out for more dough and a more traditional shooting schedule. As a result, a pretty good script got hampered by a cramped, clunky production that resembles one of those lousy Pulse sequels more often than not, with botched composites providing a bunch of “Alice in Wonderland” style visuals where characters look too small or too big compared to their backgrounds. Still, I enjoyed it to a degree; the idea of combining redneck terror with a giant monster movie is kind of awesome, and I was quite impressed with their casual approach to killing heroic characters. Also, since they pointed it out about six thousand times, I should mention the monster was not CGI, but practical, so that’s always to be lauded.
Less laudable was their over-zealous promotion at the festival, with a guy bombarding everyone with fliers for the movie. We’re already there, dude – we know it exists! I was also nearly knocked over by one of their team wearing one of the “NO CGI” shirts as they paraded around the cramped area around the entrance. This sort of stuff is why I find it hard to pimp the festival to friends; it often feels like a glorified networking event, with everyone concerned about promotion and selling, and almost no one there to simply enjoy cool horror movies.
RAGE
Really unsure what to say about this one. It’s essentially Duel (an acknowledged influence, as two characters pop up in a garage and discuss the film), albeit with a motorcycle rider instead of an unseen truck driver, but with two key differences. One, we actually learn the reason that the villain has such a vendetta against our hero, and two, the truck driver never raped Dennis Weaver’s wife. Now, while the scene is horrifying and ramps the intensity of the film up a bit, it doesn’t fit with the silly reveal of the motorcyclist’s motive in the slightest, rendering the entire last act (which includes the gory, out of nowhere chainsaw murders of the hero’s elderly neighbors) incredibly confused and fairly stupid, if you ask me. You can go for a campy tone, or you can go for the intensity and shock value of a rape scene, but you can NOT have both. It just doesn’t work at all, and I am baffled at what Chris Witherspoon (who was behind nearly every job on the film, and played the biker) was going for with his storytelling decisions. And it’s a shame, because the Duel stuff (i.e. everything until he returns home) is fairly well done, with a great setpiece in a parking garage and another in a bathroom providing the sort of taut but simple thrills that Spielberg’s movie delivered all those years ago. Also I liked that the killer (whose face we never see) had the same outfit as the killer from Night School – he even had that same curved knife!
THE ORPHAN KILLER
This one had to do a lot to win back my favor, after an intro from the director that was merely a rundown of other festivals the movie was going to be playing (So what? We’re watching it now! Are we supposed to follow it around like Phish fans or something?) and then a lengthy delay of movie because they didn’t bother to check it beforehand. Also it started with one of those “let’s show the ending of the movie and then flash back and build up to it” things that always annoy me. But once it got going I was impressed by the kills, and like Laid To Rest or Sweatshop, that’s pretty much the only reason anyone would want to watch the movie. The story is ridiculous, and the killer talks too much (and his dialogue sounds like Pinhead fan-fiction to boot), but the practical kills are pretty great, and setting it inside a Catholic high school was an inspired touch. Any movie where the killer uses the “Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ will come again!” refrain (the one that I had to sing along to every Sunday for more than half of my life) as a taunt to a priest he’s about to dismember is automatically worth a look. Advice for the director if he makes a sequel, though – instead of spending money on a helicopter (the footage of which is used over and over), how about investing in a decent fake police uniform for the hero? I half expected his NY Police patch to fall off in every shot, which would be a shame since he had no badge or any other item that would sell the idea of him being a cop.
PIG
This wasn’t a horror movie, but a pretty damn good dramatic thriller about an amnesia victim who may be losing his memory on purpose. I always love amnesia movies; watching characters uncover little clues about their past just works like gangbusters on me, so I loved that the movie was entirely about this “investigation”. While most would have him find out who he is and then focus on the whys for at least half of the movie, even after an hour or so he’s still sifting through photos and trying to fit the pieces together. The reveal is a bit clunky – it almost seems like they got bored and decided to wrap it up – but it’s certainly original, and even intriguing. Add in a good performance by Rudolf Martin (Dracula from Buffy!) and some surprising humor and you have a surprisingly solid addition to the lineup; the type of movie that would probably get a theatrical release if the actors were more well-known (or our theatrical system didn’t currently suck).
Again, I didn’t see any of the short blocks (there were three), and I had to go early on Saturday for the all nighter and thus missed The Hike (which has already been picked up by Lionsgate) and The Dead Inside, a horror musical (!) from the writer/director of Lo (and apparently starring a gorgeous brunette – the posters around the festival area were constantly drawing my attention). They also showed Isle Of Dogs, which I saw at Frightfest in 2010, and once was more than enough for that one.
I should note that they finally answered my wish and provided food – a food truck was there for most of Sunday, though I didn’t actually use it because I ate at home and didn’t feel like spending 5 bucks on a hot dog (the cheapest option). But still, at least they gave the option – as I’ve mentioned in my coverage of festivals past, it’s hard to convince folks to sit around and watch an entire day’s programming when all that’s available are sodas and candy bars from a cooler. There are a couple of small restaurants nearby but by the time you walk over, order, and walk back, the next movie will have started, so they’re hardly suitable options (food is technically not allowed in the theater, either). I don’t know if they ever consider a more suitable venue, but it seems the Cinefamily would be an ideal location – it’s more accessible, has that back area for folks to gather and talk shop, and has an actual concession stand. Then again, at least the theater itself is comfortable enough to watch 3-4 movies back to back, whereas I can barely make it through a single movie on the Cinefamily seats. So I guess either way I’d be bitching about something; might as well stick with what seems to be working.
At any rate, I enjoyed my time there, though I was a bit disheartened to see the lack of “colleagues” in the crowd. With so many major horror sites (all of whom have several stringers in the area) I should have recognized more than 2 other writers over the course of three days (neither of whom stuck around for long, for one reason or another). I’m a giant pain in the ass and a crank; I’m sure both the filmmakers and the festival staff don’t want me as the only one providing coverage of the films/the fest itself.
SEPTEMBER 27, 2011
GENRE: MOVIES!
SOURCE: FANTASTIC FEST!
As with previous festivals, I just don’t have the time to write up full reviews of every movie I saw, and a couple of them weren’t really horror anyway. Also, with many of them still seeking distribution, it’s no fun to go into detail about a film that I wasn’t all that impressed with. But folks like to know, so here’s a bunch of capsule “reviews” of the other movies I saw while I was there.
Revenge: A Love Story
One of my favorites of the festival, but also not really horror at all. This revenge tale, told out of order (sometimes confusingly so), seems to be influenced by Kill Bill in some respects, but is far from a ripoff. Juno Mak is terrific as Kit, a simple man whose even simpler (read: mentally handicapped) girlfriend is brutally attacked one evening. The identity of her attackers and why he is doing what he does is best left for you to discover, but I will say that while it’s not the most original story on a base level, the way that it’s told makes it a winner, as does the subdued but still valid ideas about the uselessness of having an “eye for an eye” type mentality. Also features one of cinema’s best “gunshot + gas tank” scenes ever.
A Lonely Place To Die
Like The Descent, this movie could have been a perfectly gripping thriller if it was just based around the survival aspects, in this case being underprepared for weather and climbing conditions on a particularly tough mountain. But whereas Descent just got better and better as the monsters showed up, Lonely Place gets needlessly convoluted, and writer/director Julian Gilbey’s script makes the mistake of switching the action from breathtaking and scary mountains/rocky rivers to a police station and a friggin house. Star Melissa George is as great as she always is, but the late introduction of key characters sort of leaves her on the sidelines for too much of the third act, and by the time we’ve been introduced to our THIRD group of supporting characters (mobsters!) the movie no longer offers any true excitement; if you were on the edge of your seat for the first act, you’ll be sitting normally and lazily by the third.
You Said What?
I reviewed this for Badass Digest if you want to check it out, but basically it’s a very sweet, charming, and frequently funny romantic comedy in which a guy pretends to be holding a casting call for a movie just so he can find a girlfriend (he got the idea from Audition), only to decide to actually make the movie once he finds the girl, figuring it was easier than telling her the truth right away. Somewhere along the way Peter Stormare gets involved, playing himself. A terrific “date movie”; deftly blending romance with a funny “misfits making a movie” tale.
The Corridor
A frequent theme of the movies I saw was that they were good for their first two acts only to fall apart in the third, and none exemplified that issue more than The Corridor, which started as a contender for my favorite movie of the festival. After an opening scene tragedy, we flash to a few years later, as a group of friends gather at their childhood “retreat” (a cabin in the woods owned by one of the character’s now-deceased mother). Trust issues, “we’re not as close as we used to be” drama, and a very low-key sense of impending dread turn this into a more successful version of Dreamcatcher for quite a while, bolstered by terrific performances by the unknown cast (though James Gilbert’s physical similarity to Bradley Cooper was quite distracting). The title refers to a “hot spot” of sorts in the middle of the woods that at first just makes them feel at ease and possibly grants them special “powers” (a reveal about their increased hearing skills is one of the best “jumps” I’ve seen in a while), but ultimately just turns them into raving lunatics. And it’s at that point that the movie starts going off the rails, trading suspense and character-based drama for bursts of unexplained violence and Richard Kelly-esque visuals, plus a brief excursion into “is this all in his head?” territory, at which point the movie lost me entirely. By then, I actually began wishing I WAS watching Dreamcatcher, which also went batshit insane but in an amusing way.
I should note, however, that apart from You’re Next, this was the only English language movie I saw the entire time that I was at the festival.
The Squad
Miraculously, the only time during the entire festival that I fell victim to my usual “cinesomnia” was during this movie, and I think I’ll chalk it up to the fact that I’ve essentially already seen it. Whether the writer just watched Deathwatch a hundred times or just once, I don’t know, but I would need him to submit to every polygraph test in the world before I believed the similarities between the two films was just coincidence. Group of soldiers investigating an abandoned post, turning on each other, audience left to interpret if it was psychological or supernatural in nature… all the same beats, and without Deathwatch’s opening “cast crawl” to help us tell the similar looking characters apart. At 107 minutes it was also one of the longest films I saw, and ultimately I wished I had stayed asleep longer (I think I was only out for about 10 minutes – not bad considering I was bored and operating on less than four hours’ sleep). Waste of a great setting and a potentially unique backstory (witchcraft is suggested as the cause of the film’s events).
A Boy And His Samurai
As I mentioned earlier, this became my favorite film of the festival, and the great thing about it is that I didn’t even plan to see it originally. Unlike Frightfest or Screamfest, Fantastic Fest takes over an entire multiplex (six screens), and thus is able to show movies more than once. So after hearing about how good it was from a previous screening, I decided to check it out once I saw tickets were available (also different than those other festivals – having a pass doesn’t mean you get into every film; you have to go down in the morning and get one of a limited supply of tickets for each screening you want for that day). And while this causes some understandable issues (i.e. people not getting in to see movies they “have” to see if they can’t attend every day), it does allow for word of mouth to get around, something that you can’t do at another festival where movies only show once. If you miss the unreleased movie showing on Tuesday night at Screamfest, you won’t get another chance.
Anyway, all of the folks who talked it up were right. The film is almost impossible to dislike; I was moved to applaud and/or cry multiple times as writer/director Yoshihiro Nakamura told the story of a Samurai who suddenly found himself in modern day Tokyo. Largely (and wisely) skipping over the usual nonsense (he adapts fairly well to his new surroundings; apart from misunderstanding the sound of a phone ringing, there aren’t any stupid scenes of him being confused or frightened by televisions or whatever), the terrific Ryo Nishikido becomes a father figure to Tomoya and discovers a hidden talent for baking while handling the “domestic affairs” while Tomoya’s mother tends to her important software job. As with You Said What, it was a refreshingly charming and simple story, expertly told and largely sidestepping any possible language barrier. A badass samurai using his inherent discipline to bake a perfect flan is just terrific fun in any language. Seek it out at once.
Unfortunately, as I was only there for 3.5 days, I felt obligated to watch movies as much as I could instead of going to Fantastic Fest events such as the debates (where a real debate on a subject is followed by the two debaters duking it out in a boxing ring) or the awards ceremony (where my You’re Next pals took home 4 awards). However, I did check out the Fantastic Feud, a largely horror-based version of Family Feud hosted by my pal Scott Weinberg, who was inexplicably dressed as Mario from Super Mario. I even got a shoutout from Devin when the #1 pick for “Guilty Pleasure Movies” turned out to be Armageddon, something I consider insulting (guilty of what? Being FUCKING PERFECT?). I do wish it ran a bit longer, however – the game was done before we even got our checks.
I also went to the first of two large-scale karaoke events, where my original choice of “Total Eclipse Of The Heart” was vetoed by Alamo/FF guru Tim League, who is apparently sick of the song. Naturally, my vindictive nature inspired me to shoot back, opting for an even longer and more obnoxious song (“Anything For Love”), which he admired enough to let me go on even though the list was already too long to accommodate everyone (for those who didn’t get to sing – I apologize, but in my defense I didn’t realize “AFL” would be nearly the entire version (10 minutes). However, a bunch of folks sang along, so that’s always a good sign. If you saw it, I hope you were entertained, though I had nothing on Devin’s rendition of “Too Drunk To Fuck”, Evan Husney’s “Highway Star”, or Sam Zimmerman’s “Teenage Kicks”. And I was followed by a wonderful rendition of “Summer Lovin” by pretty much the entire attending cast/crew of You’re Next. Damn fine time if I do say so my damn self.
In other words, there’s a lot more to the festival than just watching movies, which really separates it from others I’ve attended. While you can always “make your own fun” wherever you go, at Frightfest I was sort of baffled by how many folks would opt to go to the Phoenix and drink (not for free, mind you) instead of watching movies. Here, the events being sanctioned (and again, with the films all showing multiple times), it felt far less of a “waste” to opt for one of these non-movie events. If I was there the whole time I would have certainly opted for more of them, because they certainly added much to my overall experience. I only really loved 3 out of the 11 movies I saw, but I still had a, er, fantastic time. Hopefully I can make it back next year.
If I do though – can you guys lay off the goddamn cigarettes? As I write this I am sipping tea because my throat feels like it’s going to close shut, as every time I went outside to chat with friends after a movie I felt like I was stepping into a boardroom from the set of Mad Men (I am allergic). Rest assured – if I only spoke to you briefly outside before hurriedly walking away, I wasn’t trying to be rude – just breathe. Try the fucking patch, huh?
What say you?
MARCH 28, 2008
GENRE: HORROR?, INDEPENDENT, SURVIVAL
SOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTALS)
Here’s a first for Horror Movie A Day – A dual review! Why, you may ask?
As has happened a few times before, Blockbuster sent me the wrong movie. I had asked for American Gothic, which is a late 80s inbred horror thing with Rod Steiger. They sent me American Gothic, a short film by some guy named Carlos Batts. “Fine, whatever,” I said to no one in particular, and put in Cut And Run (aka Inferno in Diretta), a Ruggero Deodato film that had a plot similar to that of his Cannibal Holocaust, only it was a conventionally filmed movie, not a ‘mockumentary’. Except the problem is, despite what IMDb claims, it wasn’t really a horror movie at all. But after doing some research, I discovered that the short film WAS horror, so I will combine: Horror (short film), and (full length) Movie A Day!
The horror angle of Cut comes from Michael Berryman, playing a guy who seemingly lives in the river and seeks to murder drug dealers (and pretty much anyone else). His scenes, largely inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, are gory and violent, and could be mistaken for a Hills Have Eyes sequel. And being a Deodato film, the gore is over the top (beheadings, guttings, etc), something you certainly don’t find in many non-horror films. However, the rest of the film is basically an action movie a la Rambo II, in which a couple of folks (including that hot blond from Prince of Darkness) go into the jungle to rescue their friend, and kill a bunch of “bad guys” with automatic weapons and such. Not exactly horror, right?
The cast is also very HMAD friendly. In addition to Berryman and the Prince of Darkness woman (Lisa Blount, for the unnecessary record), we get Karen Black (Burnt Offerings), Leonard Mann (Flowers In The Attic), and Richard Lynch (Halloween remake). Plus the score is by Claudio Simonetti, aka Goblin.
As for the movie itself, well, whatever. 80s action movies of this type sort of just run along on rails, and if you take away the random gore (and Willie Aames’ ridiculous character) you’re left with any old Chuck Norris/Michael Dudikoff movie; the type that I can only appreciate if I grew up with it. Or I’m at the New Bev (this movie would be ideal for that place, actually). The idea of a group of natives going out of their way to kill drug dealers is pretty awesome, but the movie is kind of dull. There’s a lot of stuff that we really don’t need to watch, like Aames and some broad laying out and then lighting a bunch of flimsy runway lights. And for the life of me I can’t figure out what Eric LaSalle’s strip club owner character has to do with anything, or why he is tossed off a platform into a train by two guys we never see again.
Strangely, the end of the film seems to have influenced the execrable Welcome To The Jungle more than Holocaust did. Our heroes are kidnapped and then held hostage by the very man they were seeking (Lynch), who has now become a sort of Kurtz like madman, and the natives all serve under him. The only difference is, this movie had something fucking happen previously, so there wasn’t any need for him to kill off the heroes like in Jungle (which saved any sort of action or violence for this final minute of the film, and even that was mainly offscreen).
Anyway, not too great, but it was a fucking masterpiece compared to American Gothic. While it was certainly more of an actual horror movie than Cut (what with zombies, a guy covered in blood, etc), it was also an utterly awful and pretentious pile of crap.
The thing about experimental films like this that I don’t get is why anyone besides the filmmaker is watching them. They are experiments! Do scientists hold press conferences and then say “OK, we’re gonna try something”? Of course not. They do their experiments in private, and then show us the finish results. Why can’t these films work the same way? No matter, this experiment certainly failed. The idea is fine (the psychological horror behind the creation of Grant Wood’s eponymous painting) but the execution is as botched as anything can possibly be.
Here is the entire 25 minute movie: An old guy talks to himself, a montage of moving images animated with After Effects, a zombie lies on the ground, two zombies dance, three dead chicks play with children’s letter blocks, the old guy begins stabbing himself with his paintbrush while saying “I wandered aimlessly among the living” over and over, more After Effects, credits. Throughout this nonsense we hear some metal songs. In fact the imagery often resembles a Matt Mahurin music video (think "Unforgiven") but without a. the entire song (the metal songs fade in and out at random, or to allow the guy to say “I wandered aimlessly among the living” again) or b. a point being made in a timely manner. Why this needed to be 25 minutes, I have no idea. It’s pretty sad when a short film is padded and overlong.
Oh fuck you, movie.There was a kid in my film school who made shit like this. Any time we’d have to present our stuff to the class, he’d show his and there would be utter silence (everyone else in the program made films that were more or less accessible). When the teacher asked about it, he wouldn’t even be able to explain it himself. I’m all for being weird or whatever, but the problem is that shit like this can literally be made by anyone. Film a bunch of random shit, edit it with a blender, throw in some “film damage” filters, and viola! Instant art film! And when someone questions it, you can just say “look, you don’t GET IT.” Oh blow it out your ass. If we’re too dumb to understand your masterpiece why’d you show it to us? And in this case, I got the point of it, I just didn’t get why it had to be so long and obtuse. Like the film Gothic, it’s a fascinating idea to me to show the “real” horror behind a well-known work of art, but I don’t see why it’s apparently so difficult to tell this type of story without being a pretentious windbag. I may not have the slightest clue what’s going on at times, but at least David Lynch’s films are nice to look at (save Inland Empire) and reasonably entertaining. This crap is ugly and boring to boot.
Whatever I watch tomorrow better be a full length horror movie or else there will be hell to pay! I’ll grab Michael Berryman and a few machetes and begin wiping out anyone who ever said “Well, my film is CEREBRAL...” in a dismissive manner.
What say you?